Donkey Poker

I will be the very first to admit that playing for play money online is the very definition of donkey poker.  Yet, there are moments when the very donkeyness of the players transcends even this definition.  Playing in a 200/400 Omaha game today a player who I know from previous experience raises preflop with some pretty weak shit raised.  Sitting with AK23, I naturally reraised him and got several callers (we are playing 6 handed).  I flop the nut flush draw plus the nut low draw.  He bets, I raise, callers.  Turn does not improve me, everyone checks and I bet my monster draws.  Called everywhere.  River counterfeits my low and a straight comes in with some random crap this guy is playing.  Really?


So, here are a few things that I observe about donkey play.

1. They raise a lot pre-flop.  It can be with a good hand, a favorite hand, a small pair, gapped connectors, or ???? 
2. They raise out of position from the small and big blinds with mediocre hands (see above, but also include hands as weak as A/10, or and suited ace.
3. They will call (or bet) with any pair, including bottom or middle pair.
4. They will chase any draw to the river.
5. They will play any ace combination.
6. They will play any two suited cards.
7. They will accept any bad odds in tournament play, including calling with all their chips on a draw.
8. They will bluff too much, particularly if in position.
9. They will call on super scary boards with weak holdings, including "the dumb end of the straight", with a low suited card with 4 of them on the board, the "under-full".
10. They play too many hands.
11. They play odd combinations of big/little like Q/4, K/2, etc. even unsuited, and from early position.
12. They tend to run very lucky yet never know when to quit when ahead and usually take the chips they have stolen from you and give them to someone else.
13. They are impossible to bluff, as they will call you down super light.

I am sure that other things will come to mind later, but you get the idea.  It is impossible to get into the mind of the donkey, even if you wanted to, but I think the idea of action and gambling are a big part of their psyche.  They seem to be a part of every table, so you just have to be aware that they will snap you with two pair on seemingly innocent boards (think K/2 vs. your aces) and that when a flush comes in one of them will have a weak ass one.  You cannot go far wrong to fold if they are giving you a lot of action and you cannot beat two pair.