Poker Jokes

"What is the difference between a large cheese pizza and a poker player"?
"A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four".

An older farmer took a terrible beat from a young player in a big no limit game at The Bellagio in Las Vegas. The farmer won't stop berating the young man for his terrible starting cards, his bad play, his dumb luck, etc. Everyone at the table grows sick and tired of listening to him. Finally, the young guy has had enough, he says, "Sir, if you can't afford to play at these stakes, perhaps you should find a lower limit game". The farmer stands up, shaking his fist at the young man and says, "Listen kid, I've got a ranch in Texas that is so big that I can get in my pickup truck in the morning, drive all morning, and still be on my own property". A gentleman at the other end of the table quietly comments, "I used to have a truck like that". The farmer shouts, "I don't have to take that kind of abuse!", picks up his chips and leaves. Everyone thanked the gentleman, including the dealer.

A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin. "Where the hell have you been?" she asked.

"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he ad-libbed. "I've just lost you in a card game."

"How did you manage to do that?"

"It wasn't easy, honest. I had to fold with a royal flush."

Boundaries

I am trying desperately to cut back on my poker. First of all, am trying to "take care of business" first, then if time permits, which it always seems to, play poker. By the way, Elvis Presley's motto was, "TCB, In a Flash". He had that on the nose of his airplane. So, if it is good enough for Elvis, it is good enough for me. So, have I actually cut back? Great question. Yes, I have quit before 8:00 every night this week. Also, have quit while up. I played in a very beatable 3/6 game Tuesday night, got beaten, then moved to the 4/8 and won $300 net. End of day.

Wed. night lost in another beatable 3/6 game, moved to the big $10/20 game and won $200. An interesting observation was that I played against one of the same players that I lost to in the 3/6 when he played a 9/5 offsuit against a raise (my problem, not re-raising on the button with AQ suited). He flopped a 5 and rivered a 9. I won back that pot plus much more from him in the 10/20 because you just can't chase like that. Another plus of playing in bigger limit games.

Internet update: played in a $.50 buy in 45 person SNG and won $7.40. I led the entire tournament except for very short periods, and had 25% of chips in play at one time. It doesn't sound like much money, and it isn't, but I do love the competition and building my bankroll to play in bigger buy-in tournaments.

I am hoping to go home soon, but the weather is looking scary for the drive to the coast, so will just have to see what develops. I am ready for the holidays.

Rethinking my poker career

This weekend was awful. Bleeding chips in tournaments and cash games. I am rethinking whether or not I want to continue playing. My main reason is this: I am beginning to think that I either cannot win, or it is a zero sum game for me. I win big, only to lose it back, with the only clear winner the casino. Honestly, I have not won or lost more this year than I see some players lose in the "big game" in one session. Therefore, it is not profitable for the time I spend.

Also, some of the "personalities" are beginning to wear on me (and I am very sure that others can say the same about me). I have a saying that I try to always keep in mind, "everyone brings me joy....some when they arrive....and some when they leave". I can honestly say that most of the time I enjoy the banter, but other times it really wears thin on me. I would probably play better if I just kept my mouth shut and played like my poker hero, Pony-tail Bob.

There is also the loss I am suffering in other areas: my relationships and lack of developing other interests, excercise, better sleep, etc. All in all, I need to cut way back and "get a life". I am not quite ready to say goodbye, but am very close.

The Moon is Full in Pasco

Yesterday hit a new low note in my poker career. I took a particularly heinous beat in the 2:00 Bridge $110. buy in tournament. We had just consolidated to 2 tables, and I was seated with the chip leader (by a very wide margin). She had knocked several players out already, but I had around 5000 chips, and was playing pretty well. Several players limped in, including her, for $200 + 25 antes, for around a $1250 pot. I was in the big blind, and when action got to me, I looked down at.....pocket aces!!! I did not want to check as there were way too many in the pot, so I raised 1,000 to thin the herd. Action to our chip leader who re-raises me all-in! After everyone else folds, I immediately call, expecting to see kings, queens or maybe jacks. Even better, she has re-raised with J/7 suited!!! I never relax, and she has been lucky, and the flop unfortunately has a jack. The turn produces a flush draw, and the river........a 7!!! I am out and stunned. This is just sick. Not one to fail to get back in the saddle, I go to the moose, lose more money (rescued slightly when I flop a straight flush wheel for $155 monte carlo bonus). Not a good weekend for me.

Now to the "moon is full" part of the story. Last night on the $10/20 game an older player, we will call him "Bob" (not Pischel), is flipped off by another player when Bob heckles him for drawing out on his two pair. He stands up, walks around to the other player, and.....drops his pants and moons him!!!! This is just too funny! He is kicked out of the casino for the day and we all laugh about it. Not bad entertainment for the money.

Back Down To Earth

After running super hot all week, I am back with my feet firmly on the ground. Yesterday I played in the 10 a.m. Moose tournament and got knocked out with consecutive tough beats. The first was KK vs. AQ. He "of course" caught his ace for most of my chips. I was all-in on the next hand in the big blind with A8 suited. With two callers I was happy to try to triple up and stay alive for a round. My nemesis at the table (there is always one person who you cannot ever beat), Pat, calls with 66 and catches a 6 on the flop...I caught an 8, a 4 flush, and ultimately ace on the river for two pair, which would have beaten about any other hand. Oh well. The cash game afterwards was horrible. Very good players with one action junky always raising. I lost almost $300 with very good cards and draws that wouldn't stand up or come in. That was it for me for the day.

Saturday 8 a.m. tourney at the Moose: 7th place (sorry Mike) after my pocket 10's all-in are called by a big stack with..........drum roll please..........AQ!!!!!! The worst hand to call an all-in with knocks me out twice in 24 hours!!! Haven't these guys ever heard of AK? Mike made me promise to tell a story once in a while where I sucked out on someone, so I have to say that I played 9/3 suited (Matilda, as we call it), limping in, then catching a 3 plus a 4 flush draw on the flop. I called a $200 bet, then a $500 bet, and won the pot when a small beautiful "hello darling" heart fell on the river. It was checked to me, but couldn't even value bet in case he was trapping with a bigger heart draw. Bad play rewarded. But, as I explained, had some history with this player from a previous tournament where a string bet was challenged by me, and I sucked out on the river (oops, now it is two stories where a donkey wins!). Guess those two stories can go into his blog of bad beats.

Schadenfreude

The definition of Schadenfreude (German) is "pleasure taken from observing the misery of another". I have been aware that I must constantly keep on guard from this, especially after taking a "bad beat" from another player. Tonight I flopped a set of 7's (that is a pair of sevens in your hand, and one on the board for you non-poker players) on a big pot with raises and reraises pre-flop. The board was a low flop with no straights, so I kept betting. "Frost" calls all the way with an 8/4 offsuit and rivers a straight to take down a big pot. It is difficult not to take pleasure as he pulls another $100 off his bankroll. I have learned that people will chase with very marginal holdings (this is the same hand that busted me earlier this week). He was critical of my play on another hand that I called $2. more in the small blind with queen/3 offsuit, with at least 6 players limping in, and then flopping trip 3's and turning a full house. He really could not see the difference between calling in my position and his very dumb call in middle position.

The talk at the table was about the big fight he and "Jeff" got into the night before. It had to do with poker etiquette (yes, there is such a thing). It ended with some shouting, calling out, and ultimately both players being kicked out of the game. It is very difficult sometimes to enjoy the game when sitting for long periods with obnoxious people.

Update on winning streak.....it is still alive! I won a little last night (I think $40. in the cash game, plus chopped 1st place in the Omaha tournament. Total winnings about $100. Tonight a very small win, $60, after being down $100, then up about $200. Quit while you are ahead is my new motto.

Is The Long Nightmare Really Over?

The last two days at the moose have been very good to me, up $150 and $400 on consecutive days. The tables have been exceedingly "soft", with day 1 a very passive and loose game, and day 2 a very aggresive loose/weak table. I am continually amazed at people calling and overcalling against obvious strength from tight players. A good example was last night a tight player raises out of the small blind in a 4/8 kill. I had limped with k/10 offsuit on the button, and was regretting the first call, but with 5-6 callers and position on the raiser was o.k. to stay in. The flop: K/7/4 all clubs. The raiser bets, everyone calls, and I decide to find out about my king by raising (also had the 10 clubs). He just calls and "Angela" sitting to my right, also calls. Everyone else folds. The turn is a blank, I bet $16 and raiser calls as does "Angela". River is a second 4, raiser checks, "Angela" checks and I check . Raiser shows pocket JJ (there you go Lynne), and Angela slow rolls 8/4 offsuit!!!! WTF!!! How you even call one bet with that one amazes me, then to stay to the river with bottom pair with that board and that action is crazy. Her stack is soon gone as predicted, and another $100 bill appears. I don't really understand how some people can afford to play poker with their "skills".

Now for another life lesson for my (few) readers. I think that life is really just a series of decisions, exactly like a poker game. We are constantly choosing what game to play, what stakes to play, if we want to participate in a hand, whether to raise or call or fold, continue playing until midnight or quit, etc. I believe that success in life as well as in poker depends mostly upon the quality of our decisions. If we analyze what we are doing and always try to make the best decisions based on the information we have in front of us, we can be successful.

Life as well as poker is a game of incomplete information. We never have complete certainty (well, with the possible exception of flopped royal flushes in poker) , but if we do everything in our power to gain as much information as possible and use our wisdom , judgement, and instincts to make the best decision we can, then we have done all we can to affect a good result. That said, we never ever have 100% good outcomes no matter how much experience, etc. we bring to bear. Aces are "cracked" all the time by 8/4 offsuit. But, the long range picture for the person making the best decisions constantly is much better than the alternatives.