Crazy Moose Poker Rules

I came up with these several years ago and planned a prank by buying a frame for this, pasting their logo on top and hanging it on the wall by the coffee pot.  Still thinking of doing it.

Crazy Moose Poker Rules

1. You must play any two suited cards despite any action before you.  After all, you could flop quads, a flush, or two pair!
2. If you are in a blind you must defend it with any two cards despite any raises before you.
3. If you flop a pair you must call to the river in case you get runners for two pair, trips, a straight, or a flush.  This will be referred to as “flop a pair and go from there.”
4. If you flop any hand that could go runner-runner for a straight or flush you must call to the river.
5. If you flop a gut-shot draw you must call to the river despite any action or board, including double paired, 4 flush, etc.
6. If the board is paired and there is a lot of action you must chase to the river with a flush or straight draw, somebody probably doesn’t have a full house or trips.
7. If you are in a blind and you have a hand like king/jack off-suit, or any weak ace you must raise pre-flop, after all, you are out of position with a marginal hand, but hey you are showing strength and everyone will probably fold, especially if there are 7 callers.
8. You must play any “weak ace” against any action.  The ace is the highest card.  You might flop two pair or hit your kicker (and then you must chase to the river…see rule #3.
9. You must play any cards that have a name.  Some of these powerhouses are:  10/2 The Brunson, 9/3 Matilda, 10/4 Broderick Crawford, 9/2 Montana banana, j/5 Motown, q/3 San Francisco Busboy, 6/9 Big Lick, 4/5 Jesse James, 9/5 Dolly Parton.
10. You must play any cards that are your personal favorites, 7/2 Lynne, J/10 JT, etc.
11. If you are the worst player at the table and win a pot over $30 you must tip the dealer several dollars to keep it safe from the grasping hands of the other players.  After all, he did do you a special favor by giving you the winning hand with your marginal cards.
12. If you have been very lucky and have a big chip stack, you must begin raising every pot with any two cards “just in case”.
13. If someone raises, you must reraise with any two cards to “build a pot” just in case you get lucky (especially true if you are stuck).
14. If the board is double paired with possible straights or flushes, you must call a bettor with your king high “to keep him honest”.